Using guilt or tradition to influence decisions.
To the mama who has a strained relationship with her mother-in-law 3. Build a United Front with Your Spouse
We have a phrase in our marriage that started as a joke but has slowly calcified into a confession. When my husband asks why I suddenly changed a dinner plan, or why I am volunteering for a charity I hate, or why I am biting my tongue until it bleeds, I look him dead in the eye and whisper: “Your mother bends my will better than a blacksmith bends steel.”
We’ve all been there. You walk into a family gathering with a firm plan: No, we aren’t staying past 8:00 PM. No, the baby isn’t having juice. And we are definitely not taking home that giant, floral armchair from her attic.
"The rug is a bit loud for the morning light, isn't it, darling?" she asked on her third day, sipping tea from a mug I hadn't seen in years.
This is the ultimate move. If I say "no" to her, I’m the bad guy. If I say "no" to the woman who just spent four hours playing "tea party" on the floor despite her bad knees, I feel like a monster. She knows her leverage, and she uses it with a smile. 4. The Soft Sell